How to Get Your Focus Back on Your Marriage

In my previous post, I shared with you some of the things that cause us to be distracted in our marriage. If you haven’t read that you can read What’s Distracting You From Your Marriage?

Have you found yourself so caught up in the busyness of life that you seem to be going through the motions? One day turns into a week and then the weeks turn into months and the next thing you know you’re almost through another year. You survive each busy day without really focusing on those around you, especially your very own husband.

If you’re not careful the busyness of life can distract you and take your focus off of what is important. Your relationship with your husband is the most important relationship you have, next to God, and requires attention, care and nurturing.

My husband and I recently celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary. We’ve tried to be intentional about caring for our relationship and from the very beginning, we committed to center our marriage around Christ. This hasn’t always been an easy thing to do, especially when children came along and even more so when I fell ill with chronic Lyme disease.

Despite the distractions, difficulties, and sicknesses there are tangible things that we all can do to get our focus back on our marriage and make it strong and to help it thrive.

Make up your mind to put your marriage first.

First and foremost you must make up your mind to put your marriage first and make it the most important thing. The first step to making something happen is choosing to make up your mind. #makeupyourmind #bettermarriage Click To Tweet Don’t put it off another second, make up your mind now to put your husband first and make your marriage a priority.  Don’t let work, homeschooling, children, or even church activities crowd out the time you need to spend with your husband. When life is so busy spontaneity is not always possible, so don’t feel bad about writing date nights on the calendar. Schedule time together and don’t let anything interfere.

Pray Consistently

Scripture reminds us to pray always, to pray about everything and to pray instead of being anxious. How often do you pray for your husband? How about your marriage?

Praying for your marriage is one the most important things you can do for the success of your relationship. #marriage #prayer Click To Tweet

Don’t wait until a disagreement happens or a difficulty arises, you should still be praying for your relationship even when things seem fine. You’ll never regret placing your marriage into Gods hands for His blessings and His protection. If your marriage is strained or going through difficult times pray and ask for healing and the ability to forgive.

Put your husband first.

Few things communicate love to another more than undivided attention. When you stop what you’re doing, look your husband in the eyes, listen attentively and communicate respectfully, that shows him that he is important. So often my husband will come home from work and find me busy making dinner, while telling the kids to clean up, set the table, and feed the dog. Taking time to greet him and welcome him home is so important for our relationship. That quick second can set the tone for the entire evening.

When our children were young, we taught them that when Daddy gets home the first 30 minutes belonged to Mommy and Daddy. He would say hi to them and then they had to go play or set the table for dinner while we spent some time catching up on the day. This was an important step in training our children to understand that their Mommy and Daddy put each other first.

Get rid of expectations.

Don’t put unrealistic expectations on your husband or yourself. Don’t expect either one of you to be perfect and be sure to extend grace often. Remember, when you live your life with expectations you prevent yourself from enjoying life as it is because you’re so consumed with how you think it should be. This is a sure-fire way to miss out on the blessings that are right in front of you.

Learn your husband’s love language.

For the longest time, I couldn’t understand why my husband didn’t respond the way I thought he should when I would do something special for him. My love language is acts of service but early on in our marriage, I didn’t know anything about love languages. I didn’t realize that when he bought me gifts or wanted to snuggle that he was trying to show love to me using his love language. Reading a book like [eafl id=”1708″ name=”” text=”The 5 Love Languages”] by Gary Chapman, can really help you understand your husband and how to show him love in a way he can understand, chances are it’s very different from your love language.

Remember

One the best ways to reignite loving feelings is to remember when you first met your husband and those qualities about him that caused you to fall in love in the first place. After awhile you might have forgotten. Make a list, look at old pictures, talk to your husband about those early days together.

Spend quality time together.

Spending quality time together doesn’t mean you have to hire a sitter and go out to a fancy restaurant every Fri

day night.  It can be enjoyed by going for a long walk. Sharing time together after the kids go to bed or by feeding your children first and then letting them watch a movie while you enjoy a candle-lit dinner. Make sure that you stay away from hot topics during these times and use it as a time to reconnect. When my children were younger we found another couple that we could exchange babysitting with so that we each could have a date night.

You can also invest in your marriage by overlooking whatever you can, like those daily little annoyances that you can’t do anything about. Keep communication open by speaking respectfully and when needed speak the truth in love. Most importantly, forgive often. Forgive daily!

Just as with anything that’s worthwhile, you must put time and attention into your marriage in order for it be happy, healthy and blessed.